Good News! You’re Not All Losers!
Kevin Briley went to UCLA, which, to me, is kind of like going to the Texas A&M of California schools. That said, he made a brilliant observation and texted it to me. I’ve copied and pasted it below…
Kevin’s text: “Your fact for today. Every team got at least one win yesterday so no zeros this year. We’ll see if there are any one and dones”
Can we give Captain Obvious a hand?
As we move into the Round of 32 (this is being written at 9:18am on March 23, and Heidi is making fun of me for claiming that “I’m working on March Madness Madness”), here’s the breakdown of where we are…
Amanda Huginkiss is late for an important date.
Amanda Huginkiss is quick out of the gate with 6 points. Quick to start, quick to finish? Time will tell. There’s a “Have you ever seen David Brainis at the beginning of a hurdles race? He looks good out of the block, but, when he makes that first jump…” joke here, but I’m still workshopping it.
BackaRot Bois is right behind with 4 points and four solid teams. How can you bet against a team with Jerry Falwell Jr. as its mascot?
Liberty University’s Mascot.
So, where does that leave the rest of us? Most of us with #1 and #2 seeds are all sitting in the 2-4 point range. This is interesting because, depending on what happens today, our March Madness Madness result could be a lower scoring, logjam of an affair at the end.
Looking at today’s matchups, here’s what to watch for…
If you’re hoping for a slowing of the Amanda Huginkiss train, then tune in to Kansas v. Auburn and cheer for the Jayhawks. Fook Duck has Kansas and needs the win.
In an odd twist, my fellow Longhorn (and, for some reason a helluva gumbo maker) Cliff Squared’s LSU Tigers will be facing BackaRot Bois’ Maryland. Cliff Squared needs a win badly to show the rest of you how “elite” the University of Texas really is.
Myopics and their Seminoles will try to beat up on Going Back to Kally’s Cinderella Murray St. It’s pretty sad that these bullies will be cheering against the heartwarming story of Murray St., but who am I to judge?
Vanilla’s Puff Army, which, if reports are true, are still trying to figure out where Gonzaga is located, need a win today. A victory would not only further quiet the Amanda Huginkiss roar, but it would also show the world that Baylor is a sad school in a sad town called “Waco”.
And, in a rookie versus seasoned vet matchup, Fook Duck’s Wofford will take on LL Cool J’s Kentucky Wildcats. Will the student become the master? Tune in…
To reward you for reading this far down, I will leave you with a special treat! Here’s a look at Wofford’s super cute mascot…
HERE'S THE SCORE (I take no responsibility for my math, I was a film major)...
UPDATED: 10am, March 23
SEEDY ONES
Michigan St. (41) - 1
UCF (9) - 1
Belmont (8) - OUT
Cincy (16) - OUT
Purdue (26) - 1
Total Wins: 3
Tiebreaker number: 130
Vanilla Puff’s Army
Gonzaga (51) - 1
Houston (28) - 1
Nevada (11) - OUT
Florida (10) - 1
Total Wins: 3
Tiebreaker: 150
Fook Duck
VCU (8) - OUT
Kansas (23) - 1
Wofford (16) - 1
Syracuse (9) - OUT
Arizona St. (5) - OUT
Kansas St. (16) - OUT
Ohio St. (10) - 1
St. Mary’s (5) - OUT
Northern Kentucky (8) - OUT
Total Wins: 3
Tiebreaker Number: 139
Cliff Squared
Virginia (55) - 1
LSU (30) - 1
Vermont (3) - OUT
15/16 S/MW (2) - OUT
Northeastern (5) - OUT
Total wins: 2
Tiebreaker number: 128
LL Cool J
Kentucky (40) - 1
Yale (10) - OUT
Tennessee (40) - 1
Ole Miss (9) - OUT
Total wins: 2
Tiebreaker number: 141
Ballz Deep
Michigan (44) - 1
Mississippi St. (17) - OUT
St. Louis (3) - OUT
Texas Tech (25) - 1
Old Dominion (2) - OUT
Minnesota (8) - 1
Total wins: 3
Tiebreaker: 131
BackaRot Bois
Buffalo (19) - 1
15/16 East/West - OUT
Villanova (25) - 1
Utah St. (9) - OUT
Liberty (5) - 1
Louisville (12) - OUT
New Mexico St. (5) - OUT
Maryland (14) - 1
Georgia St. (4) - OUT
Total wins: 4
Tiebreaker: 129
Myopics
Duke (60) - 1
Wisconsin (10) - OUT
Florida St. (22) - 1
Iowa (5) - 1
Tiebreaker: NEED
Total wins: 3
Amanda Huginkiss
Auburn (21) - 1
Virginia Tech (23) - 1
Washington (8) - 1
Oregon (10) - 1
Oklahoma (7) - 1
Marquette (8) - OUT
Seton Hall (10) - OUT
Baylor (9) - 1
Total wins: 6
Tiebreaker number: 138
Going Back to Kally
North Carolina (62) - 1
Murray St. (12) - 1
Iowa St. (16) - OUT
UC Irvine (8) - 1
Total Wins: 3
Tiebreaker: 121