STARDATE: March Madness Madness
GENTS OF THE MADNESS MADNESS! Welcome to Madness Island! Smiles everyone, smiles!
I’d like to start by thanking you all for participating in another year of March Madness Madness! Without you, I’d be sitting on the couch, tequila in hand not having to worry about keeping score or answering angry texts from David Brainis about my math or getting headaches from tapping out ingeniously funny posts like this one.
Let’s begin the new season of March Madness Madness with a new feature I like to call “Rate My Team (Name)”…
Rate My Team Name (Worst to First)
10) Ballz Deep - Really? In 2019? We are just shaking our head.
9) Amanda Huginkiss - While Brainis and friends have landed on a cool name (an obscure “Simpsons” reference), Brainis’ whinyness (“it’s taking too long”, “it’s too expensive”, “you only said ‘going twice’”) has pulled this awesome name down to the 9th worst.
8) Myopics - This was, truly, funny 8 years ago. Ophthalmology jokes and March Madness Madness don’t mix.
7) Seedy Ones - Is it irony or a weird admission?
6) Vanilla’s Puff Army - If Cooper enjoys confusing us, then this name should be #1. I’ve tried Googling this name and only found vanilla cereal and coneflowers.
5) LL Cool J - If you could see the two guys who named themselves after a classic rap superstar, you would understand why this is a lame name.
4) Going Back to Kally - Same reason as above.
3) BackARot Bois - This could be the cleverest thing Cliff Poimbeouf has ever put on paper. Let’s celebrate the effort!
2) Fook Duck - Fuck Duke? Ha! I get it!
1) WINNER! Cliff Squared - Cliff LeBlanc wins for virtue of the fact that he’s going to sponsor Taco Wars (May 3, 5pm-9pm at LSUS)!
HERE'S THE SCORE (I take no responsibility for my math, I was a film major)...
UPDATED: 6pm, March 22
SEEDY ONES
Michigan St. (41) - 1
UCF (9)
Belmont (8) - OUT
Cincy (16) - OUT
Purdue (26) - 1
Total Wins: 2
Tiebreaker number: 130
Vanilla Puff’s Army
Gonzaga (51) - 1
Houston (28)
Nevada (11) - OUT
Florida (10) - 1
Total Wins: 2
Tiebreaker: 150
Fook Duck
VCU (8)
Kansas (23) - 1
Wofford (16) - 1
Syracuse (9) - OUT
Arizona St. (5) - OUT
Kansas St. (16) - OUT
Ohio St. (10)
St. Mary’s (5) - OUT
Northern Kentucky (8) - OUT
Total Wins: 2
Tiebreaker Number: 139
Cliff Squared
Virginia (55) - 1
LSU (30) - 1
Vermont (3) - OUT
15/16 S/MW (2) - OUT
Northeastern (5) - OUT
Total wins: 2
Tiebreaker number: 128
LL Cool J
Kentucky (40) - 1
Yale (10) - OUT
Tennessee (40) - 1
Ole Miss (9) - OUT
Total wins: 2
Tiebreaker number: 141
Ballz Deep
Michigan (44) - 1
Mississippi St. (17)
St. Louis (3) - OUT
Texas Tech (25) - 1
Old Dominion (2) - OUT
Minnesota (8) - 1
Total wins: 3
Tiebreaker: 131
BackaRot Bois
Buffalo (19) - 1
15/16 East/West - OUT
Villanova (25) - 1
Utah St. (9)
Liberty (5)
Louisville (12) - OUT
New Mexico St. (5) - OUT
Maryland (14) - 1
Georgia St. (4)
Total wins: 3
Tiebreaker: 129
Myopics
Duke (60)
Wisconsin (10) - OUT
Florida St. (22) - 1
Iowa (5) - 1
Tiebreaker: NEED
Total wins: 2
Amanda Huginkiss
Auburn (21) - 1
Virginia Tech (23)
Washington (8)
Oregon (10) - 1
Oklahoma (7) - 1
Marquette (8) - OUT
Seton Hall (10) - OUT
Baylor (9) - 1
Total wins: 4
Tiebreaker number need:
Going Back to Kally
North Carolina (62)
Murray St. (12) - 1
Iowa St. (16)
UC Irvine (8) - 1
Total Wins: 2
Tiebreaker: 121